Last week we fulfilled a long-time promise of clearing out both our offices.
Over the years we’ve tended to stack a few boxes, or piles of paper here and there.
Each time you walk into the room you say to yourself ‘must sort those out’.
But then another week, month or year go by and they are still there, with a few more added to the pile.
I’m embarrassed to admit one box had been sitting there for many years.
It was the one I was dreading most.
A box of letters and cards that my Dad had kept over the years.
Cards and letters from my Mum’s funeral.
Along with all the letters I had written to Mum and Dad when I was at university, and the letters to Dad when I first moved to Australia.
When my Dad died, my sister and I briefly glanced at all this, but that wasn’t the right time for a detailed sort.
We both took our own ‘special’ box home to be sorted at a later date.
Last week, and some 12 years later, was apparently the right time.
It was difficult and emotional, but also it felt good.
There were laugh out loud moments, and times I just had to walk away and look at the trees for a while.
Then it was on to another the pile of ‘stuff’ I’d kept since moving to Australia in 1997.
I really had no idea what I would come across.
Some letters from ex-boyfriends (for goodness sake I’ve been married more than 25 years!) – why did I still have these?
Others from school, uni friends and ex-work colleagues.
One letter made me laugh until I cried.
It was a from an old work friend (we’ll call him Joe) who was telling me he’d just started seeing someone, who was the ex-partner of another colleague.
Said colleague was so cross about this he’d started contacting his ex to tell her what a bad person Joe was, and that she shouldn’t go near him.
In one line it said he’d told her Joe was so bad, one woman had even moved to Australia to get away from him!
Yes, that was supposed to be me.
How had I forgotten all this?
I can assure you I did not move to Australia to get away from anyone.
Especially not Joe – who I am still friends with to this day.
The clear-out actually felt really good.
Being able to let go of stuff, that had just been hanging around.
Sitting there, staring at me, challenging me, on my mind.
Finally, clearing those cobwebs…
It’s a sense of relief really.
A sense of release…
A mindfulness practice in itself.
I have to admit I didn’t get rid of everything.
There are a few bits and bobs I’ve kept.
The odd letters from my Mum, Dad, sister and my (then not) husband.
But the floors are clearer, and quite honestly so is my mind.
It’s easy to say ‘why didn’t I do this sooner’?
Serioulsy, I don’t think I was ready.
You do need to be prepared, a sort of mental resiliance.
But now we’ve made a start, the garage and the laundry are next…
Fotunately no letters there, just plenty of cobwebs of ‘stuff’ to clear…
Ann 🙏